What the hose is for
Sunday, April 22nd, 2007 at 8:17 amWell, I’m still in Bangkok. Whether this is the fault of Malaysian Airlines or Expedia Travel remains yet to be determined - the airline says Expedia didn’t give them my ticket number, causing my ticket to expire, and Expedia hasn’t replied to my email yet - but I can at least bask in the warm righteous glow of knowing it isn’t my fault. I’ve rebooked my flight and will be leaving this evening. Anyway, I thought I’d check the news back home via The Age newspaper and ended up reading this travel blog post about toilets overseas and at home. Bog standard stuff, really; I’m only mentioning it because the writer reminisces about wondering what the hose in a Malaysian toilet was for. Toilets with hoses are common in Thailand, in fact we have one in our apartment, so I can offer enlightenment.
It is for:
1) Washing your bum (obviously?)
2) Filling a container with water and using the water to wash your bum
3) Washing anything else
4) Cleaning the toilet
5) Flushing the toilet in case of no other means, either by direct application of water pressure or filling a bucket
6) Using as a water cannon against cockroaches, giant centipedes, children, slaves and any other creepy crawlies in your bathroom
7) Home colonics. Colonics are an expensive spa treatment in Thailand; why not do it yourself with your trusty hose? (only for areas where water supply is clean)
8] If you have two toilets next to each other you can have a water fight (though this practise is not encouraged, as seen here and here, where the adjacent toilets lack hoses)
The key is to be creative. The uses of the hose are limited only by your imagination.
April 22nd, 2007 at 8:38 am
EXPEDIA or malasyan airlines?
read this: http://www.expedianews.com . You will find some similarities with your situation. It is typical from EXPEDIA to not answer e-mails from customer with problem (even if they generated).
Good luck.
April 22nd, 2007 at 8:59 pm
I can think of dozens of perfectly unspeakable uses for such a hose. But, as that they are unspeakable, I won’t mention them here.
April 23rd, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Well, Expedia still haven’t replied. I don’t think I’ll be using them again. Malaysian Airlines were excellent - comfy plane, good food, lovely staff.
W - I can’t fault your logic.
April 24th, 2007 at 1:04 am
Good food on an airplane? From what I’ve heard, that’s nothing short of a miracle!
(Also, I am envious that you apparently have bathroom slaves. I don’t think I want the cockroaches, though.)
April 24th, 2007 at 3:23 am
Well, good by cattle class airplane food standards. The sauces tasted a little synthetic and the bread rolls seemed to have been microwaved, but other than that it was all quite tasty. Actually, all the Asian airlines I’ve flown have had pretty good food.
I’m missing my bathroom slaves already.
April 24th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
Hi Kirsten,
I just tried a new thing with the Fleur de Figue you left. I bought som strawberrys and some cream. I was just going to keep it simple, when I looked up on the shelf and bingo. I put some Fleur de Figue and a little liquid sugar and the cream in a blender, zapped it till it was still liquid but thick enough to stick on the fruit. WOW! like zabalone.
Best,
Paul
April 25th, 2007 at 10:39 am
Goddamnit! I’ve been up for 27 hours, because I suffer from cronic insomnia, and then had to take a math test today. I had thought I could do fine despite the sleep deprivation, but I was wrong - first math test I’ll have got under a B in since high school. (and that was because the teacher couldn’t actually teach his way out of a paper pag; and then it was the only math class I ever did that poorly in)
Sorry to bother people with this, but none of my friends are accessible and I need to bitch! Worse part was, halfway to my car I figured out the entire last portion of the test, (including the extra credit) which would have likely salvaged my grade.
(as for my friends, they’re not accessible because they all seem to believe they can get away with only owning cell phones - dispite the fact that they don’t get reception in their family rooms: one really wonders how they’d ever get word if I was having an honest emergency)
April 25th, 2007 at 11:51 am
Paul - Hi! Man, that sounds pretty good. I’m glad you’re finding uses for that decadent stuff. I bet it would go well used somehow with oranges, with or without chocolate (or did we try that? I can’t remember).
W - bitch away, I think ever since Crube’s Frogger fic this blog has been de facto open for anything. You could try melatonin for insomnia. One 3mg tablet within an hour of going to bed. It works for me - has made a huge difference, in fact. It doesn’t work for everyone but it might be worth trying (if you haven’t already).
April 25th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Thanks, yeah, I tried melatonin but was forced into taking larger and larger doses - in the end I was taking twelve pills a night just to get to sleep. When I finally stopped taking it I couldn’t sleep for a week … so it isn’t the answer for me. (33 hours and counting now) It’ll break eventually, hopefully within the next ten-twelve hours … I have two quizes and another two tests do this week, I don’t want to be zombified when the time comes.
April 25th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Would it be worth trying to get a medical certificate so that you could sit your tests later?
I’m sorry about the melatonin. I tell myself every day that the effects won’t start wearing off, ever.
April 25th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
From what I’ve been told, most people don’t develope much of a resistance to the pills - but I knew one other person who had much the same experience as myself, so who knows?
As for the tests, I’d have to go to a doctor for that and who can afford doctors these days? I can put my tests off for one day if I speak to the instructors, but if I don’t get to sleep in that day I’ll be worse off when I do take them, so it’s safer to take them sooner rather than later. I’ll weather it out, I always do …
By the way, sorry I haven’t finished returning your email, but I’ve had a pretty nasty cold and not spent much time on the computer - just isn’t my week I guess. (chrysa says hello, by the way)
April 25th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Sorry, I forgot you’re in America. For some odd reason I always think of you as English. One of the great things about Thailand is the cheap medical care. And if you just need a certificate you can go to some old guy - as my friend did - in a room behind a 7-11, occupied by said old guy and an old bare-breasted woman sprawled in front of a TV, and get one for a couple of bucks.
Don’t worry about the email! Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m a very tardy correspondent. Greetings to Chrysa, hope she’s well - and hope you get well soon.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Hey I’m Malaysian living in Australia and I can’t live without a hose in a toilet!! How do you people clean yourselves after having a really bad crap?? Just tissues? I don’t think so…imagine shitting on your hand and just wiping it off with tissues…it’s still dirty and smelly! So to solve the ‘big problem’ here is I have a plastic cup next to my toilet and I fill it up with water and wash away! haha…works a treat! I’m currently building a new house and I’m definitely installing them handy hoses next to my toilets! Cheers!
April 27th, 2008 at 2:02 am
Well, when I’m back home, I find myself spitting on the paper before I use it to get the last little bit clean. I don’t know if others do this - I guess it isn’t a subject that comes up very often, even in my wacky family. When I really miss the hose is when I have my period. Ugh.