11-year old Jamison Stone has shot a 476 kg wild hog in Alabama. I had no idea hogs could grow that big. What a wonderful beast. It will be made, according to the young hunter’s father, into sausages. Not that I have anything against sausages; it just seems, well, a pity to kill something that extraordinary.

“It feels really good,” Jamison said. “It’s a good accomplishment. I probably won’t ever kill anything else that big.” Don’t worry, kid, there’s still plenty of protein out there organised into ambulant forms larger than that hog, huntable either legally or with enough greasing of the right palms. Or, alternatively, just find yourself a feedee and cut his or her throat once weight reaches the desired amount (or to avoid prosecution, let diabetes and heart disease take their natural course). Or take up microbiology and learn to hunt very small things, the real nasty fuckers… (which leads me to wonder if there are scientists who, after developing drugs to conquer a microbe, keep dead samples of the microbe in acetate blocks in a trophy cabinet…)