Autobiophobia
Wednesday, January 20th, 2010 at 10:06 amI have a fear of bios. I hate writing them. I don’t like interviews, either. I’m afraid of saying something thoughtless, tactless, dumb, ditzy, etc.; as for bios, the fear is harder to pin down. It’s some kind of shyness, an irrational fear of exposing basic facts about myself to strangers with whom I can’t have a conversation. I have a thick skin for criticism, but I’m hopelessly delicate about misrepresentation, and I suppose I’m afraid of misrepresenting myself. Or maybe I’m afraid of accurately representing myself, as I often feel I’m a bit silly. I try to compensate for the silliness, and end up sounding pretentious.
Anyway, the bio for Baggage is an extended thing in which we had to write about our stories. I have to proof it and I’ve been putting off doing so out of reluctance to read my own words about myself and my thought processes. I’ve got as far as opening the file, but I feel dizzy and sick with anxiety about what I might find in there. My vision is actually blurring, and and I have a lump in my throat as if I were going to cry.
This is terribly weird. I wasn’t always this self-conscious; the longer I stick with writing, the worse it seems to get. Obviously I’m not shy in the blogosphere. But here there are two differences, a delete button and the fact that it isn’t a one-way communication.
It seems strange to get shyer as you get older, but I beat my first shyness by learning to fake it — doing the fake personality thing. And I still do a lot of that. I’m not used to being sincerely myself, except with friends (and I guess I think of this blog as principally a communication with friends, too). So talking openly and honestly, without the barrier of fiction, to readers, is uncomfortable. I need to get it into my head that it really doesn’t matter much what random people think of you.
Ok, I got through reading it (it’s only a page…). And there are only 2 or 3 small changes I want to make. I still don’t like it. I don’t like giving my opinions, which often seem either untutored or over-tutored when I think about them — as if I don’t know shit and am trying to pretend that I do, because a writer is expected to know shit and have opinions and understand her own work. But I’m always terribly uncertain about everything, so that it’s hard for me to make any sort of clear statement.
January 20th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
One of Dave McKean’s one-line bios: “Buy him a Margarita and he’ll tell you why cats smile.”
January 20th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Mine wouldn’t be that cool. It’d be something like “easily reduced to flailing” or “pour Coke on her and she’ll explode”.
January 20th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Hi Kirsten,
I agree, instead of twisting yourself into metaphysical knots just say something like “K.J. Bishop inhabits the planet Earth and is somewhat undecided as to the merits of the situation.” Add a link to this page for those who really need more and, Poof! Done. Easy, Peasy and Gordian knot dealt with.
If your really stuck for a nifty one-line bio, just run a contest on this site and pick the best!
JKS
January 20th, 2010 at 9:09 pm
Oops, that should be “you’re”. Brain Engage!
JKS
January 21st, 2010 at 8:30 am
If only the knots were metaphysical. I could feel superior about having metaphysical knots. Unfortunately, they’re just neurotic.
January 21st, 2010 at 8:13 pm
“She wishes she had metaphysical knots but only has neurotic ones. Will trade.”
January 22nd, 2010 at 1:44 am
You can stick to being “professional” by just including what you’d put in a resume (i.e. published in XXX).
Good luck and thanks for obliging me with the interview in the past.
January 22nd, 2010 at 7:36 am
I agree about the McKean one liner.
I loved the silly little bio/ introductions at the end of the Sandman comics and I have to say I was always disappointed if they were written to be serious.
January 23rd, 2010 at 7:59 am
BTW
I’ve discovered Takato Yamamoto tonight. I fell in love with his work and thought you might like it if you haven’t seen it already.
January 23rd, 2010 at 8:23 am
Anonymous – brilliant!
Charles – that’s what I usually do…yet somehow I still feel uncomfortable…maybe embarrassed that I haven’t done more, lol. And interviews are like hard exercise and green leafy vegetables — I might prefer sloth and chocolate, but the exercise and vegetables are important!
D – Sadly, editors sometimes want some sort of serious bio… I adore Takato Yamamoto! His pictures satisfy pretty well all my visual cravings.
January 26th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
I find the idea of running a contest appealing – it would take all the work out of it! Let everyone else be clever for you. 8D
I also have to agree with D. I find the goofy bios much more interesting.
January 27th, 2010 at 7:47 am
I would be masochistically hoping for witty insults. I like the goofy bios too. I wish they were the standard thing!