The UK and Commonwealth rights to The Etched City have reverted to me. I’ve been going through the text in preparation for re-releasing it as an e-book in those countries.
I’m not going to change anything big, or even give in to the temptation to rewrite paragraphs, but I’ve found plenty of nits to pick — nearly 600, in fact. My idea of good writing, and my expectations of my own writing, have changed over time, as is only natural.
I’m just wondering how many changes to make, given that many readers seem to find the book acceptable as it is.
I’ve found a few small glitches in continuity and clarity, and a few lines I don’t like for miscellaneous reasons. There are also a couple of instances where I’m tempted to adjust characterisation a fraction — a word here, a sentence there — just to extract bits of my own moods that wormed their way into characters and perhaps shouldn’t be there. Those are the nits I know I want to squash, and there aren’t very many of them. The other nits, however, are grammatical and stylistic issues throughout the whole text. I’ve noticed:
- Overuse of commas and adverbs
- Underuse of the past perfect and the subjunctive (re the latter, I grew up without using it in speech, save in the case of saying “If I were you”, and had always thought of it as old-fashioned grammar. However, I’ve become a convert to its employment.)
- Slight overuse of the word “thing”
- Little physicality within dialogue, i.e. not much description of actions, facial expressions or tone of voice — not necessarily a problem, and I think the reader’s imagination generally fills in the blanks, but integrating dialogue with the physical world is a skill in which I’ve never scored high, so I fret over the bare dialogue in my writing.
- Inconsistent use of ‘that’ as a conjunction, e.g. “I said I was sorry” vs. “I said that I was sorry”
- Names used rather often instead of pronouns
- Quite a lot of informal writing outside of the fancy passages, e.g. “He went up to the desk” rather than “He approached the desk”; “but” rather than “however”; sundry small inelegancies; a tendency to sometimes write as if I were just talking to someone in the street, in fact.
All that said, I’ll probably leave most of the above alone. I don’t think I should try to screw with the style of the book. If there’s a plain, unpolished quality to much of the text outside the fancy passages, maybe the contrast between the plain and fancy contributes to whatever effect the whole thing has. I remember consciously going after contrast when I was writing it, and if I was plainer and rougher than I was aware of being, I don’t know that I’d be doing the book any favours by giving it a shiny polish now.
Out of the list above, I am inclined to: cut most of the unnecessary commas (sometimes a comma isn’t strictly needed but still works); find a few words to replace “thing”; swap some of the names for pronouns; insert the past perfect in the handful of spots where its absence really trips me up. And pretty much leave it there.
Re the names and pronouns, I’m dithering over this. I used names a lot, even in sections where the characters are male and female and “he” and “she” would often have sufficed. There are places where I feel I’ve definitely used names too often. But where it’s Gwynn and Raule, especially, I think the names help to create a sense of their being unromantic friends, whereas a lot of “he and she” can sound more intimate (maybe? or is that just me imagining things?). Also, the repetition of names on the printed page isn’t necessarily a hindrance to reading — it may even help.
Before I dive in with the red pen, I humbly beseech anyone with opinions on any of the above to share them. I don’t know whether it’s the kind of stuff that most readers notice or remember. I’ve had to learn to notice most of it, and am very much still learning!
This is fantastic news. I’ve been waiting eagerly for an accessible electronic version of Etched City, as I have an Australian Amazon account and can’t the current US kindle version. Somehow I never got round to getting it when first published (gave one to a friend though) and have since stopped buying paper books.
As for the re-edit, I sympathise and would have exactly the same thoughts in your position. However, I am a dreadful perfectionist obsessed with detail which few others notice.
Thanks for the interest, Douglas. I’m an e-book convert myself. As for the edit, I verge on OCD sometimes, but really mustn’t let it get the better of me here. Gotta strike a sane compromise, I think.
I thought using the names instead of pronouns made the characters more mythic, like Roman Gods, and I liked that. I don’t remember the distancing effect. As a comma abuser myself, I probably didn’t notice the excess commas, but if they jumped out at you, cut them you must! Good luck with the edit!
My immediate thoughts are that your style is very distinctive in this book and is part of the experience. I’d be careful with changing commas and adjectives and, in fact,a bout half your list. You might lose some of the style and other-world feel if you lose too much. The shifts of tone (casual to not) are a bit different and yes, ‘thing’ might be defended occasionally. In other words, I’m not sure about global changes, but your usual way of editing (very carefully, with the implications in mind) may be agonising, but it should work. If you need another eye at any stage and my eye would be useful, then I’m very happy to lend a hand. Also to let people know it’s out, when it arrives as an ebook.
I don’t think your authorial voice will suffer in the least from changing some pronouns and commas, or even sweeping up some “things” and trading them in for other things. For the rest (and I may be in the minority here) I think the changes you want to make won’t alter the essence of the work more than a fragment.
As I’ve said before (to anyone who will listen!), I consider “The Etched City” a work of genius, but I’m not a purist by any means. *I* don’t think it needs it, but if it makes you happy to spiff it up, do it.
The only quibble I have is changing dialogue, because – in my opinion- that’s probably the most drastic edit an author can make to a published work. You can change their clothes, their surroundings, how they walk toward a table…but change their narrative and what comes out of their mouths, and you’ve altered the character himself.
Thoraiya – thanks for the input! I hadn’t thought about the mythicness of names. I did want the characters to seem a bit mythic, as if they were half-forgotten storybook legends having a strange experience. Some of the commas don’t so much jump out at me as gently tug my sleeve, uncertain of their place in the world, e.g. “She said, quietly” rather than “She said quietly”. These days I wouldn’t use the comma and might try to avoid the adverb too — but that’s due to being more familiar with convention and stylistic fashion, I guess. (I tend to think of ‘good style’ as quite often being nothing more than a matter of fashion.)
Gillian – warning noted, and thank you! I’m rather happy to hear that you don’t think I should change too much. I’ve already tagged everything — down to the commas — that I’m not sure about, so it’s a matter of going through and saying yes or no. What you and Thoraiya have said has convinced me to use a light touch and err on the side of leaving things alone. You’re incredibly kind to offer your eye, and if you were just sitting at home painting your toenails and watching soaps I might take advantage of your generosity, but I know you’re busy! But I’ll be most grateful for any signal boosts.
You might save me from painting my toenails and watching soaps, you know…
Kirby – thank you for the advice! I don’t think I’ve tagged any dialogue to change, except maybe one or two lines where something was unclear or there was a continuity glitch. I’m deliberately leaving the substance of the book alone except where there are actual mistakes. I only plan to alter characterisation in a few small spots where I feel some slippage — removing a hesitation here, changing a look there. Tiny stuff. (Definitely not going to change anything so that Gwynn doesn’t shoot first! XD) The pronouns and commas are probably the easiest things to change. Some of the rest, like the adverbs and the scanty past perfect, feel like they’re more a part of the texture of the book — so in the absence of people saying I should change them, I think I’ll let them be. Just reminding myself that polished re-releases of early songs never sound as good as the originals.
Gillian – I am so not going to save you from that. Get yer nailpolish out! I am doing my own toes at this very moment, in fact. Classy aqua.
Why does the thought of painting my toenails not tempt me even in the slightest? Maybe I need alcohol first. High heels tempt me (I was yearning after four inch ones, audibly, in class today) but not painted nails.
I’m now calculating – if it’s 2 pages for every layer of varnish and if clever people paint three layers, that gives me 60 pages before I even begin to use up other time.
I never cared about my toenails until I came here. Only use 2 layers of varnish, though, so it isn’t a *deep* kind of caring.
I tend to be a very critical reader and I don’t remember having any quibbles with The Etched City at all. I think a light edit for typos and commas would be more than enough! Some of the changes you want to make might be just the things some readers love about the work. If there are inconsistencies with characterisation, doesn’t that just make the characters more complex and intriguing? I guess unless something reads as an actual mistake to you, let it be. It would be frustrating to read the ebook after the original and feel like something was missing, but be unable to put my finger on it.
In any case, good luck! You know your work the best and will make the right call.
Thanks for the vote, Eedamme. Going by everyone’s advice, I haven’t fooled with characterisation, and am mostly only changing content of any sort where I think I erred or was unclear. I’ve enhanced a couple of sentences that seemed to cry out for it. But the majority of changes are just fixes for continuity, sense and clarity, and tweaking words or phrases that I’ve repeated too often or too closely together. I’m doing my best to rein in my fiddly impulses and err on the side of leaving things alone.
Belated PS – have you thought of Momentum (Pan McMillan) who brought my Cellophane book out as an ebook once I had my rights back? They might like to see your book, and it means you don’t have to worry about anything but the usual PR.