I wouldn’t say that I have OCD, but I have tendencies that way about some things. Including writing, which is one reason I’m so slow. I’m also indecisive. Again, not always, but it’s a tendency I have. When I don’t know exactly what I want I have trouble making a decision and sticking to it. Or I’ll think I know what I want, then second-guess myself, or I’ll want to have things two ways when they can really only go one way or the other. I can get in a real flap with indecision. (It extends to mundane matters, too. I can’t shop for clothing in department stores. I go to small shops where there isn’t so much choice.)
These two tendencies can get together and make havoc. I can spend a long time fiddling with something, then change my mind about it.
To be honest, I’ve found the process of self-publishing Mad Ancestor pretty stressful. Editing, copy editing, book layout and typesetting was a lot for my detail-gnashing and vacillating self to deal with. I’ve done my best and I hope readers find it acceptable. I imagine that if I do this again the book-making side will be easier, as I’ll have some idea of what I’m doing. I don’t know if I would ever copyedit my own work again. That could be worth paying someone else to do, for lengthy things like this, anyhow.
I feel a bit frayed. I know we’re not supposed to admit when we feel frayed. I know I’m lucky to have time to be a writer, and I’ve chosen this life and I don’t have to do it, so I don’t want to appear to be complaining. Hopefully admitting to being tired doesn’t count as complaining.
I want to put this project behind me, but it’s at the stage where it’s pricking at me with little details, even though I’ve told myself that it’s finished, so that it’s hard to concentrate on other things. But at least the weather has been kind, turning on a cool snap in the hot season. It’s only 25 degrees, which is lovely.